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The intro to the first meditative guide (Queen) is not quite right on a point. It sounds as if, when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the future, THIS is going to be the catalyst for change. This is not the full picture. It really is you, imagined, but after Christ has done his work. Being obedient to the teachings of Jesus Christ is the only way we change. The more knowledge we have of him–which is obtained through obeying his words, the greater the change.

I add this blog so you know the deeper story. Christ is the story.

He is impressive. Once you have his image in your countenance, and his light shining from you, THEN and only then are you still just a vessel that he comes through. It is never about me or you. But when he comes, he brings joy, and the soul finds its worth. And really…it IS about me and you.

So…sixteen years have come and gone. What happened to the girl who wanted to be skinny? Let’s go back to the house as those two weeks come to an end.

Sadly, I felt the bubble of joy dissipate. I felt my old self being put back into the driver’s seat. I was falling. The ethereal experience was over. I was confused by this. Why was I falling back to earth? It was a gentle process, but I did not like that it was happening. my human frailties came back, as did the brain fog.

I worried, what did I do wrong?

It took me some time before I realized that I was not to stay in that higher sphere. Maybe I was given a taste so that I knew where my true North was. And really, if I had studied the scriptures, I would have known what this was. There is a name for it. This was a baptism of fire. I had never felt so much love and joy for such a long period of time!

So let me tell you the awesome part! I had no desire to sin. I had no desire to watch or listen to things that were lower. It had been burned out of me. I had just tasted heaven, and earth suddenly came into perspective. This is a beautiful earth, but a rusty tin can compared to what is ahead.

I was changed! I had begged for this gift and it was granted. “…we see through a glass, darkly…”(1 Corinthians 13:12) I still don’t know all the ways this has impacted me. And the Lord’s thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I am content.

Jesus did not deliver me over to perfect robotic eating habits that melted the pounds off for good. My vain ambitions were not granted (darn!). I remained a human on the earth who is subject to real laws.

A six-hundred-calorie donut is still just that. A day of not working out is rewarded with muscles that atrophy. I remained as normal as they come, in this regard.

But I am not normal in my testimony of Jesus Christ. He lives. He listens. And he acts when we come to him with broken hearts and contrite spirits.

It does not matter what religion you are, or even if you are agnostic or atheist. When you get low enough and suddenly find your mind turning to Jesus Christ–cry out to him. He answers. He does not care from what background ye hail.

So…how did my family react? Was it business as usual? Absolutely not….

One of the names of Jesus Christ is “Redeemer”. He redeems us from the fall, from our fallen natures. All the backsliding we do? He is the answer to that. He is the only answer to that.

When I begged him to “change me”, he heard “Redeem me”. That is what I was really begging for.

Why did I beg for this? Because what I really wanted was rest. I wanted the REST that only Jesus Christ gives. I was tired. I was beaten. I had been treading and drowning in water for eighteen years! And probably even longer than that. Do you know that feeling?

Christ said, “If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble, and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have FAITH in ME, then will I make weak things become strong unto them”.

I give unto men weaknesses that they may feel after me. Because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong.

Did you notice the stirring? Those are his words.

You might beat yourself up for your backslidings, but don’t stay there too long. Take them to his feet and beg with all the energy of your soul for the rest he gives. For the redemption away from that burden.

So what happened after my weekend away?

I drove home, I moved through my normal movements of being a mom and a wife. But then I noticed something changing. It was so gradual I didn’t know it was happening. But then by the next morning, it increased in power over me so that I could not mistake it…. It was joy.

I was enveloped in joy—and I call it a bubble. I was in my house, doing my house chores, but I felt like a bubble grew around me and it was made of pure joy. It was like a light of purity and it was warm, big, explosive, and constant. It did not diminish. I almost felt like I was floating. I felt like I had been removed from the fall. I was put to into ‘rest’. The heaviness of life was removed.

My mind cleared up. I did not know I had a fog over my brain until it was gone. I had to sew a dress for my daughter. I set to the task and found that instructions on how to do this came easily. I did not use a pattern. I did not need to. Usually, when I sew, it is filled with frustration and a few choice words! I almost hate sewing, but this time I was instructed in what order to do things.

It felt like I was taken out of the driver’s seat and placed in the passenger’s seat. And, power took the steering wheel. This lasted for two weeks!

My house became clean and orderly. I was doing it, but it was easy.

One afternoon, as I was passing from the stairs into my bedroom I felt that my dad could see me. He had died seven years earlier. I paused, backed up into the hallway, and looked at where I felt it. I didn’t feel that he was in the house with me, but that an opening was allowed and he could see me.

I said, “Dad?”

The only thing on the cabinet top was a picture of him. I walked over and picked it up. I toted his picture with me throughout the day and talked with him, sharing my day. It was so lovely talking with my dad and knowing that he had a chance to see me.

This experience with joy was earth-shattering, life-changing, and the biggest thing I had ever experienced. I did not know what I experienced. This was sixteen years ago. Since then, has anything come of it?

Changed

Bubble